Hello all,
One of the difficulties in reading Nouwen the way that we are is that each chapter, in fact each individual entry, contains some amazing bit of spiritual food that we could chew on for a very long time. Attempting to read this book in large chunks forces us to pick some of these morsels for discussion and leave others for later.
Chapter 16 is one of those chapters in which I struggled the most to pick one or two things to highlight. Nouwen’s progression of thought as he ponders the “downward mobility” of Christ is so challenging and so uplifting all at the same time. The process of gaining humility is indeed a bittersweet one. On one hand we come to understand the beautiful truth that we can rely on God’s power and grace to transform us and guide us in this world. On the other hand, doing this requires that we come to terms with the fact that we must give up our self-sufficiency and pride. All of this is incredibly basic, Spirituality 101 in fact, but it is far easier said than done. That is why I find myself fully understanding Nouwen’s struggle when he says:
“I love Jesus but want to hold on to my own friends even when they do not lead me closer to Jesus. I love Jesus but want to hold on to my own independence even when that independence brings me no real freedom. I love Jesus but do not want to lose the respect of my professional colleagues, even though I know that their respect does not make me grow spiritually. I love Jesus but do not want to give up my writing plans, travel plans, and speaking plans, even when these plans are often more to my glory than to the glory of God.”
In what ways have you experienced the same struggle that Nouwen describes here? Who are some people you have known in your life who have been able to overcome this struggle fully embrace Jesus’ example of downward mobility?
One of the things that has seemed to draw us all into Nouwen’s story so far has been that fact that his struggles so easily reflect our struggles. I think that it is highly important for us to find people that we can relate to in this way. However, as Nouwen described his respect for Toni Paoli on page 159 he claims that what stood out to him was Toni’s love for Jesus. It occurred to me that I am not simply drawn to Nouwen because of similar struggles but also because of his tireless affection for Jesus. His life and his words announce to us the new kingdom and the new king. Nouwen’s story, though fraught with struggle is good news. That is why I fell in love with the quote he uses to end chapter 17:
“What a joy to be fully known and fully loved at the same time! It is the joy of belonging through Jesus to God and begin there, fully safe and fully free.”
What has been your experience of the joy you have found in Christ? How have your thoughts on joy changed over the years?
One thing that struck me in these chapters is Nouwen’s continual focus on friendship and relationship. As he nears the end of his time in Trosly he seems to be ever more aware of the importance of his friends. I have come to realize recently that true spiritual friendships are a very rare thing in our time and I wonder why. I would love to hear your thoughts on that. In what ways are Nouwen’s thoughts about friends different than your thoughts or different than your present life situation? Here are a few quotes that caught my eye to spark your thinking:
“We are friends of Jesus not in a sentimental fashion, but as participants in the divine life. If we dare to claim boldly that friendship, then we can also trust in the lasting bond among each other. This mutual friendship is the splendid fruit of our kinship with Jesus. It is much more than an idea. Rather, this friendship is a tangible reality.
“I feel an increasing desire to be silent with friends.”
“Listening together to Jesus is a very powerful way to grow closer to each other and reach a level of intimacy that no interpersonal exchange of words can bring about.”
“Friendship does not grow strong and deep when you do not give it the time and attention it deserves.”
“The great joy of our friendship is that we both deeply feel that it is Jesus who has brought us together so that we would be able to help each other to grow closer to him.”
Feel free to comment on any of this or anything that stood out to you from these chapters.
Jason
Jason,
I’ll wrap confession and friendship into the same package.
I don’t confess my “struggles” in front of the whole congregation. In fact, I don’t even confess to friends but instead just keep it all bottled up and do my best to sort it out by myself. Once beaten down so much that “From the gutter to me ain’t up” (that’s supposedly an old C&W tune) I’ll cry out for help to the LORD. But as Nouwen put it, that’s “holding on to independence” and not wanting to lose the respect of “professional colleagues.” That’s my own unwillingness to be “transparent” with friends…brothers and sisters in Christ (my “colleagues”), especially at Riverside. What I mean by that is on page 144 Nouwen talks “about the importance of confessing our ‘struggles’ to each other, not just when they [become] unbearable, but very early on…The demons love darkness and hiddenness.” Well the opposite of darkness and hiddenness is light and exposure, so if I take it literally then that means the sin I hide in the dark should instead be confessed in public “very early on” (before it gets out of hand, while it’s still a temptation, while it’s still a thought and before action), you know, “confess my struggles” (we don’t even call it “sin” anymore, we call it “struggles” or “challenges” or “problems,” we call it everything but “sin”). Whatever it is I don’t confess it to friends anymore, nor do I confess it in public to the whole church, and I haven’t done so in years. Why? Probably because I’m afraid of what you might think about me or what you might say about me behind my back. You might start avoiding me, you might be afraid of me, you know, what I do is not what you would do and if you hung around me too much my sin might rub off on you. Or worse than all that, you would not be my friend anymore. So it (my “struggle”) stays in the vault, in the dark, and hidden.
I remember as a kid that rarely a Sunday went by that someone – man, woman, or teenager – didn’t answer “the softly and tenderly call” and confess publicly in front of the whole congregation of this struggle or that sin, and an Elder would walk up to the podium and grab it with both hands and hold on for dear life as he prayed. Later I noticed that people would “go forward” and ask for a friend to lead the prayer instead of the Elder. Either way, Elder or friend, it was a prayer asking for forgiveness as well as strength to withstand the temptation when it came around next time. After the “Amen” we sang a song, the person would be prayed for again, and his or her courage to come forward would be praised, and once the “Amen” was said people would flock around and smother him or her with hugs, and smiles, and “I’m so proud of you” and “I’ll keep praying for you” and it was a love fest of encouragement, you know, and it was very liberating and extremely encouraging. It was like big mystical hands reached down and lifted a heavy backpack off the person’s shoulders, or filled their lungs with new air because all of a sudden breathing became easier, more natural. I experienced it when I was younger and I remember going home that night after church and laying down in bed and even my bed seemed more comfortable and I was finally able to get a good nights sleep. Or at least that’s how I remember it – very liberating.
But now it seems we’re more private and less open. Did we take confession underground or just bury it altogether? We still offer the “invitation” every Sunday, but are we really that “inviting” to people? Do we really make it easy (or do we even expect) for someone to walk down to the front of a congregation and confess some scandalous sin in front of 450+ people? We’ve put Elders at the exits so people can go to them in private, and the person can step out in the hallway if need be, and talk about whatever troubles him or her without everyone watching, listening, wondering, speculating…and judging? Is that what caused us to “go underground” with confession? I’m sure everyone has a reason and opinion about this, and we could throw them all on the board and I’m sure they would all be relevant and true in part or whole, but if Nouwen is right then aren’t the demons winning the battle if we hide our “struggles” in the dark? Are we no longer liberated?
It’s puzzling to me and just wondering what the Book Club thinks about “confession” in light of Nouwen’s writings. I’m not trying to create more questions, and maybe the best thing to do is take it out of this forum, but I haven’t got my mind wrapped around how much we’re supposed to confess in public. Should we tell all regardless of the “struggle” or is there a line I shouldn’t cross? No need to answer, I’m just thinking out loud.
OK, some of my thoughts today may not make sense, but here goes. I have always felt independence. But I have also always felt drawn to work with those who have struggled in life, teens in trouble,(pregnacy, or boys sent to youth rehab or reform schools), unloved elderly people in nursing home who seem to have no one. I have worked with them lovingly and think that I have made a difference on occasion. I love Jesus with all my heart, but THAT in itself has given me an independence in that I stand for something in HIM. But I realize that without HIM, I am nothing, but that doesn’t keep me from independence in that the love is bonding and actually “lifts” and “elevates” me to new heights, not drag me down trying to get to a all humbling self. I am more apt to feel closer to God and Christ by allowing my love to encompass the poor but I, personally, do not struggle to get there. I think that is the difference of an optimistic person as opposed to a pessimistic person, maybe or maybe not.
I also found all of the italizied quotes Jason gave at the end, I have found to be true with a Christian friend that I have had for twelve years. We worked day in and day out at Dallas Christian College where I was CFO and she was the Director of Financial Aid. Our love in Christ almost exactly “mirrors” these statements. We could communicate even in silence. And I believe it is very very true that if you do not give a friendship the time, it will not succeed to the heights it could.
I would also like to comment on Mike’s comments. I think we all feel that so many things of our past history with the church, such as public confessions, seem to be a thing of the past. I don’t know if this is good or not, but what I would like to say on the subject is that, in general, the church’s of today are not as community oriented in that we travel from all the surrounding cities to be here on Sunday together but we don’t really KNOW each other the way we should. It’s just my opinion, but that’s what is making the lack of closeness. Sure, you may be close to your particular Impact group, but do you really know everyone like we did “way back when”? No, we simply don’t and that is so sad. I don’t know the answer to it. If people don’t “sit” in the section where we sit, we just don’t know them very well, if at all. I don’t know how we got to where we are in the past ten years specifically, but I keep wondering if God, Christ and the Holy Spirit are “pleased” with our worship and if our “private” meeting with the elders at the end of service isn’t really a way to be “independent” to a fault by not “confessing our sins to one another”. Just my thoughts.