Hello all,
I wanted to introduce you to our guest blogger for this week. Alpha Robinson, Jarrod’s mother, has graciously agreed to share some of her personal reflections over this week’s chapters. I know that you will be blessed and challenged by her words. Feel free to respond to anything she has written as well as anything that struck you from your reading.
Jason
As Jarrod shared in the first week –he read this book years ago….then gave me a copy with the parts that spoke to him hi-lighted. Needless to say it is a treasure to me and as I read it this time, I decided to underline and make comments so that “our” copy is a journal too. Jarrod wrote in my copy of this book “I hope and pray that you will find your own words spoken for you in these pages.” His hopes and prayers have been realized anew as I re-read this treasure of a book!
This section – Chapters 11 – 15 has been painful, comforting and challenging and so much of Nouwen’s words meet me where I am more than preceding chapters.
Chapter 11 –A Clear Call has made me reflect even more about my place here in Portland OR with the East County Church. I ask myself –was coming here a move because I felt called? I believe Lewis came here as a result of a clear call –but what about me? I struggle with loneliness and wonder what I’m supposed to be doing as to community life with our church after 7 years. Because of the place I find myself in I found the words in the Daybreak “calling” letter to Nouwen..”We want to support you in your important vocation of writing and speaking by providing you with a home and with a community that will love you and call you to grow.” These were painful words because I don’t feel I have that here. As I try to quiet the self-talk that is automatic for me which leads me to feel unloved, I began asking questions to analyze my concern about being in a place at a time that God didn’t call me. If I have become a part of a community, though imperfect, is that a gift from God –an affirmation that he is with me here and now? Does it have to be a community that is easy to be a part of for it to be from God? Am I growing because I am striving with God to show me where I fit into his plan for me? The final quote that speaks to my struggle so well is in the Christmas Prayer. “I am trying to overcome the feelings of alienation and separation which continue to assail me. But I wonder now if my deep sense of homelessness does not bring me closer to you than my occasional feelings of belonging”.
Chapter 12 –I believe this chapter may be one that speaks to so many –if not all of us. The reality of having family members that you love with all your heart in such a different place spiritually that all your time together is tinged with a sadness and loneliness that is undeniable. “Going home” should be words of comfort and joy –but often our “home” relationships are very complicated. Nouwen is no different. He describes the abandoning of God by his family and how that affects him and his relationship with them. His thoughts and feelings are familiar to me. “Most of those with whom I shared my youth have moved away from the Church and have little connection with anything even vaguely spiritual. Speaking about spiritual things to spiritual people is quite easy. But speaking about God and God’s presence in our hearts, our families, and our daily lives to people for whom “God words” are often connected with hurtful memories seems nearly impossible”. These words lead me to wonder if the abandoning of God has more to do with pain than indifference? How can “God words” be connected with hurtful memories? What hurtful memories would you associate with God and/or his people that could have or did kill faith in you or others? How can we work at using “God words” in a life-giving faith inducing way?
Before we blame the church for all the fall out -Nouwen gives us insight into how prosperity may be the reason those we love leave their faith behind. Speaking of Holland…”The country feels very self-satisfied. There is not much space left, inside or outside, to be with God and God alone….People are just very busy –eating, drinking and going places”. Like Nouwen has modeled –it is so good to tell your story about the alienation that comes from being spiritually disconnected. If you feel up to it –share your story with us!
Chapter 13 –The Struggle of Prayer. I loved this chapter as it comforted me to consider that my feelings are not a good barometer in determining how effective my prayers are. “We must pray not first of all because it feels good or helps, but because God loves us and wants our attention”. Then Nouwen shares the story of Hannah with us and reminds us that simply agonizing in prayer turned everything around for Hannah. “Prayer heals. Not just the answer to prayer.” Had you considered before that fact that Hannah went home in peace and joy without having any idea if she would ever have a baby? Have you ever had a peace that passes understanding come over you because of faithful prayer –not because things were “fixed or healed”? “Prayer is so important. It invites us to live in ever closer communion with the one who loves us more than any human being ever can”.
Chapter 14 –The Deeper Roots. Here Nouwen shares with us Church struggles –specifically the church in Germany. His perspective seems to be that culture is squeezing out God and his word –even in the church. The quote that I brought a resounding “Amen” is “Meanwhile, many church leaders spend and often waste precious energy on issues which do more to distract us than to deepen our sense of mission. Progressives and conservatives fight each other within the Church, but both are in constant danger of becoming completely irrelevant to what molds our contemporary society”. I know that Riveside is on the same journey as our congregation and many others –to become missional . That is a buzz word of sorts –but simply put it is making an impact in our communities and our world by meeting God in his work “out there”. No strings attached –no agenda –just being Jesus –each of us individually as well as the whole community. Share your thoughts on the quote above and how you are experiencing the missional move in your life.
Well I’ve taken up a lot of space and a lot of your time –I tend to do that –I apologize. So I will just share my favorite quote from Chapter 15 –Choosing Life and I hope you will too! ”How do I choose life? I am becoming aware that there are few moments without the opportunity to choose, since death and life are always before me. One aspect of choosing life is choosing joy. Joy is life-giving, but sadness brings death. A sad heart is a heart in which something is dying. A joyful heart is a heart in which something new is being born”.
Chapter 11 – Much like Alpha’s thoughts of where she is now, I was not entirely sure that Riverside was the place for me to be. Having attended ladies bible class here for the past four years, I knew many of the ladies here, but somehow it still didn’t feel just right to me. After much prayer, my husband and I placed membership. We simply decided that WE had to make the effort, WE had to do what God expected and hope that the closeness and associations of the members will come. We, being retired, have moved back to simpler way of life now. Nouwen felt that the little things became so much more important with a simpler life. I feel that way as well. By contrast, though, when there is a disappointment, it, too, seems magnified. That makes prayer all the more important.
Chapter 12 brought back memories of just such a time as Alpha’s mentions of having family members who either reject or deny our faith. That happened in my family. My father was killed in a tragic mining accident back on 1964 when I was 15 years old. My brother was only 9 at the time and blamed God for taking his father away for many years. It broke our hearts to see such contempt for the church and any association with same as he struggled to make sense of this tragedy. Eventually, though, he was baptized into Christ as we all rejoiced. He has not had an easy road, however.
Chapter 15 – Nouwen recount of Heidegger’s philosophy that states “the greatest danger of our time is that the calculating way of thinking that is part of the technical revolution will become the dominating and exclusive way of thinking. Because then we would find, together with the highest and the most successful devolopment of our thinking on the calculating level an indiffererence toward reflection and a complete thoughtlessness…then humanity would have renounce and thrown away what is most its own, its ability to reflect.” It goes on to say that we should say “yes” to the new techiniques, insofar as they serve our daily lives, and “no” when they claim our whole being.” How many people do I know that let cell phones, text messaging, constantly being on the phone with someone, anyone, take over their lives. It’s like their “blankies” or “pacifiers”. I, personally, never use my cell phone when driving, that’s my “quiet” time, prayer time, time to reflect on things. I admit I sit at the computer at home ALOT!!! When you can’t walk very well you do a lot of sitting. But to let technology overrule our ability to reflect was a very valid point, in my opinion. I now LOVE my quiet life. It gives me more time to study, read, and pray.
Alpha, I really, really appreciate your words and insight but especially for what you wrote about Chapter 12. God knows it is indeed a “reality” I wish weren’t real, you know, I wish it were just a really bad nightmare to wake up from, but the nightmare is “reality” and it’s cold and harsh that I have family who seemingly can’t be reached anymore spiritually. They’re gone. Well maybe not totally gone but almost. They’re faith is sorta like a pilot light. There’s still a flame there, it’s small, very small, very, very small, it’s just a pilot light, just a flicker, and I rack my brains looking for the knob that would turn up the flame. “Looking” is really praying, but so far no knob found.
It’s in this same chapter 12 Nouwen writes about having “passed fifty” which is where yours truly is at. What has happened since passing 50 is the beginning of a never-ending debate with myself on relevancy, you know, relevancy in things secular and spiritual and his January 2nd entry was significant for me. Nouwen wrote the search “ultimately leads to prayer” but then he turns around and devotes the entire next chapter, 13, to the struggle with prayer, and he even admits to difficulty with it which is where I am. At this point in my life, prayer (like it was for Nouwen) is a struggle, you know, it’s just confusing for specific reasons, and frustrating for a variety of reasons, and sometimes it can just be tiresome. Don’t get me wrong, I still pray, or something similar to prayer, don’t know, not sure it can be classified as prayer. Also like Nouwen my day is consumed by a thousand little things that scream for attention and when the day is over I too am frustrated, angry, and disappointed with myself for leaving so much undone. I was supposed to honor my aging parents by calling and checking on them. Didn’t. I was supposed to encourage family and friends who are really, really struggling with problems far worse than mine. Didn’t. I was supposed to love my wife like Christ loved the church. Didn’t. I was supposed to volunteer for this or do that for Riverside. Didn’t. I was supposed to pray for help or healing for people, but I’ve done that before and the result was the complete opposite from what I prayed for, you know what I mean? So what’s the point in that?
I went to a funeral last Saturday and we buried Uncle Morris. He was the last of my mother’s uncles and was one of fourteen children. I really didn’t know him that well, but I learned during the eulogy that he was a straight-shooter when it came to all things in life – he called a spade a spade, and he wanted everyone to understand him (all things about him) clearly and completely. Simply. There was no confusion with Uncle Morris. There may have been disagreement but not misunderstanding. Sadly, at least one of his nephews hasn’t arrived at that level yet. To the very end Uncle Morris was certainly relevant to his children and grandchildren, he must have been relevant because they sobbed, you know, they just grieved very hard. I had prayed for Uncle Morris, but he died.
I went to a funeral yesterday. An old friend, Ty Cobler, buried his mother, Jonell. Me and Ty grew up together but by the time we hit high school Ty was going his way, I was going mine, and the two directions were 180 degrees from each other. But there was always a friendship at some level – however deep or shallow – and I think the glue of the friendship was our parents because they were close. Very close. Ty’s father died 23 years ago, Jonell died Sunday, so there we were, me and Ty, thrown together at Jonell’s funeral and it was the first time we’d seen each other in six or seven years, but we only had maybe 30 seconds together – literally less than a minute. My dad ministered the service at the chapel and at the graveside, but the last “thing” said before the funeral ended was Ty’s prayer. I didn’t close my eyes or bow my head, I just watched Ty as he stood there next to Jonell’s coffin with his hands buried deep in his pockets talking to God about having to bury his mother deep in the ground. God knows his prayer was so beautiful. It was so simple, and I don’t mean obtuse. It was very simple, from the heart, and it was the prayer, I think, of a man who realizes that for the rest of his walk on this earth it’ll be made with no mom or dad. Regardless of being married and having kids and friends, I think that kind of walk can be lonely – for awhile anyway. I had prayed for Jonell, but she died.
My favorite teacher in high school, Doris Alexander (“Miss A”) has been going down, down, down and as I type these words she is in a terrible state at Baylor Hospital. I saw her son Frank at Jonell’s funeral, but he told me not to go see her right now because of her pain. I was hell-on-wheels in high school, but Miss A was the one, the only one, who could make me feel shame about what I did. Miss A was the one who never dodged me in the hallway and always gave me a smile, a hug, and told me she loved me. No other teacher or administrator did that. Miss A was the only one who would set up one-on-one time with me in her house to tutor me free and unconditionally – and so was her love. She always, always, always started each tutoring session the same. We would sit on the couch in her den and Miss A would bow her head, close her eyes, hold my hand, and pray. Simple prayers for a complicated kid. It was her prayer, I’m sure, that got me passed high school and passed 50. I am praying for Miss A.
I know with certainty that sometimes my prayers work the way I ask for them to work. Or so I believe. Sometimes my prayers don’t, and when they don’t that’s the confusing and frustrating part. Maybe I complicate prayer or have unreasonable expectations. Probably the former. But I also know there are people at Riverside struggling just like me, you know, struggling with feelings of being relevant, feelings of struggle with prayer, and I thank God to know them and to know I’m not alone in either walk. For sure. We’ve talked about it. We’re sorta like this “band of brothers.” I’m not asking you to join the band but I am hoping you’ll bear with me, and I’ll bear with them, and together we’ll bear together somewhat like Nouwen said Elizabeth was to Mary. “God offers Mary an intimate, human friend with whom she can share what seems incommunicable.” Well I’m no Mary that’s for sure, and my issues are not incommunicable, but as Nouwen put it I’m looking for God’s grace to fully work in my life while I live in a community of people who can affirm it, deepen it, and strengthen it. What I am asking for is the Book Club to stay in my community, my family’s community, the Riverside community, and help me affirm, deepen, and strengthen my faith and I’ll do what I can for you too. Be my Elizabeth?
Linda and Mike I want to thank you for your transparency. I am convinced that as we share our stories of pain as well as triumphs we draw closer to one another and that is where God dwells -in and through his people!!
Linda -thank you for your example in making a choice to join yourself with a community of believers by realizing you have a responsibility to belong and serve -to not let feelings dictate your decisions-I needed that reminder!!
Your stories will serve to comfort those that live your story.
Mike -your struggles are very familiar -a kindred spirit to be sure! Though I am not a part of the Riverside community -I am part of the Book Club community and I accept your offer to help me grow and I will try to be your Elizabeth. I want to remind you of some of Nouwen’s words about prayer – “We must pray not first of all because it feels good or helps, but because God loves us and wants our attention”. I believe God has your attention and even though the prayers you mentioned did not have results we would all agree would be considered “answers” I can’t help but notice how the people you shared about -especially your teacher were Jesus to you. I remind myself whenever suffering and death happens that they are not the worse things that can happen.
You both have encouraged me along with Nouwen!! The Lord bless you and keep you -the Lord make his face to shine upon you and give you peace! Alpha
Hi all. I have enjoyed the book so far and I resolved that I may never catch up so figured I need to post. I just finished pg. 50. I was so blessed by reading your comments from the first post just now here at work during my lunch break. I have read several of Nouwen’s books but had never read this one until now.
Of the first 50 pages, one quote that really stuck out to me was in the same section as (back to post #1) Quote #2 “Useless” Prayer, p 29-30: “Why should I spend an hour in prayer when I do nothing during that time but think about people I am angry with….and thousands of other silly things that happen to grab my mind for a moment? The answer is because God is greater than my mind and my heart, and what is really happening in the house of prayer –IS NOT MEASURABLE IN TERMS OF HUMAN SUCCESS AND FAILURE.”
That last part in caps was so insightful to me because 1) I can totally relate and 2) I am going to remind myself next time I am in the midst of one of those thousands of distractions that answers to our prayers and the things we pray for are not measured in our terms, but God’s terms.
Sometimes I dwell on figuring out if God’s answer to a prayer was yes/no/wait and this helped me understand that the house of prayer is not about results we see and understand because we are using our human ruler to measure them.
It encourages my faith to then realize that because we can’t measure answers to prayers, that means that many prayers are answered that I have not even recognized. Very cool.
Okay back to work. I’m going to read more this weekend and also y’alls comments from weeks 2 and 3.
~ Renae
Good evening all, Sorry to have not contributed more. Alpha wonderful thoughts from you and let me say that we are so blessed to have your children with us at Riverside. I fell behind a bit but have caught up at this point in my reading. I must confess I bog down a bit with all the references to Catholicism, icons, deification of Mary etc. but I am gleaning a great deal from Nouwen’s passion and his obvious love for Christ and others.
Chapter 12
My chidlhood was spent as a preachers kid and much of it was not happy. It was in the day when CofC preachers were paid very little and had to do everything generally except mow the church yard. We moved frequently and were even subjected to a church split at one time. It is by God’s grace that i have remained faithful all these years. I was just able to get past all of that when I grew up. I do not blame God for any of this as it was clearly the work of flawed humans——–of which I am one. I do feel that hopefully our pulpit servants are treated better today and with much greater respect.
Chapter 13 I feel that Nouwen’s thoughts on prayer were right on target. Pray because God desires it–pray because we need it–pray even though no answer is clear——–fight through the noise and pray. Bad news—-I have yet to master this but will continue to struggle with it.
Chapter 14 Church struggles—-Interesting how struggles in churches are world wide and not just in our body. A few years ago, my wife and I were visiting in the home of a Lutheran family in Minnesota on a Sunday morning as we prepared for a flight back to Dallas. In the conversation, they mentioned the struggle between the conservative and liberal factions of their church regarding music in worship. My ears perked up and they went on to explain that their older members preferred the organ only while others wanted a full band. I thought it very interesting that no matter what their “stripe” was some of the issues are the same. And yet I too have watched us get hijacked by issues that are not core salvation issues. When this occurs, Satan is very pleased because we have taken our focus off of Christ and put it on our on will. Sad!! We must get out of ourselves, out of our buildings and out of our comfort zones to accomplish Christ’s mission.
Blessings to all.
Alpha,
Thank you so much for giving us so much to go on here. I was elated when I saw that you also posted on the following quote becaue it really hits home with me:
“Progressives and conservatives fight each other within the Church, but both are in constant danger of becoming completely irrelevant to what molds our contemporary society”.
I have a tendency to get on a soapbox about this one because I’ve seen congregations split over the “conservative vs. progressive” issue (3 to be exact). I’ve been in a congregation where people would tear each other up over clapping and no clapping during songs (2002). In another congregation it was the “powerpoint faction against the non-powerpoint faction” (2005). The third one was when I was a kid, and that one was “tile v. carpet in the new kitchen” (1980). All I could say was “really? Has our faith really come to this?” What I have found is that when it becomes a conservative v. progressive battle, both sides lose. What “outsiders” see is a group of people who are in a constant battle and are too focused on themselves to open their eyes and see the needs of the community and the congregation. This can be detrimental to a congregation’s image in the community as well as to their mission.
I know that conflicts within the church arise. But that conflict should never fracture the unity of the church.
Brenda,
You’re dead on with your comments and I’ve been guilty of sowing the seed of division. Let me tell you a story….
Several years ago I had teamed up with another guy at Riverside to put together a program of praise and worship. We had it all worked out down to the finest detail, and then took our plans to the Elders. Some of the Elders were in favor of what we wanted to do, some were not. For those who were not, they believed it catered to only one side of the aisle and not the other…which was exactly right, that’s what we were doing, we looked at our side of the aisle only and decided to do something for “us” and ignore “them.”
We decided that if we could not have the program at Riverside, we’d “suitcase” it to another church, and indeed we found another church willing to host it. The first event (a Friday night only program) was relatively successful. We had a modest turnout, and encouraged by this modest turnout we laid plans for an even bigger event. However, we wanted to give Riverside another chance (nice of us to be that humble) so we took it to the Elders, and again some were for it some were not. During the meeting I got into a sharp disagreement with one of the Elder’s over this program. This particular Elder was being very patient with me while I was everything but patient. And Brenda, that’s when he said something to me that has stuck with me all these many years. He said, “Michael, wouldn’t it be great to host an event that everyone could attend? I mean, wouldn’t it be great if both sides could be there and look across the aisle and be surprised to see each other at the same event.”
Brenda, I remember sitting there blinking my eyes but couldn’t say anything. He was absolutely right, I was absolutely wrong, but my ego wouldn’t let it go. So, we took our program back to the church that hosted the first one. We trucked in a “big name” speaker, we had tons of food and drinks prepared, we had lavish teen programs all laid out, babysitting all laid out, we had police officers for traffic, and we even decided to charge admission! We built it. They didn’t come. We had planed for thousands but we barely had a couple of hundred people. We never planned another one.
I’ve done a lot of thinking over the years about what we tried to do. At that moment in time we thought we were doing what was right, we really did. We were providing a venue for people who we thought were being overlooked. And in reality while we were in fact doing just that, we were doing it at the expense of another group who were equally being overlooked. In other words, we were doing to them what we felt they were doing to us. Hardly an act of unity, I think we all agree.
I’ve come full circle because of that event. Some people tried to convince me we just picked the wrong night (for the second event), some said we should have gotten a different speaker, some said we should have moved the venue to another location. Instead, I choose to believe the Spirit tore me down to build me back anew. Convicted by the Spirit is another phrase. I was driven to read Romans 14 and 1st Corinthians 6 (especially verses 1-8) over, and over, and over again.
From that experience I went on to try and do some things with other guys at Riverside that would build unity across the aisles, not just on one side. While not always successful, perhaps the one thing this experience did do is this; the Elder I had gotten into sharp disagreement with has turned out to be one of my very best friends. Weird, huh? Through the years we’ve honed a rock-solid friendship, and the love and respect I have for that guy (and all the Elders) is without limit. From time to time I’ll think back on that whole experience and ask myself, “What in the heck were you thinking?”
So, together this Elder and I have worked in unity on some pretty cool stuff. He says he doesn’t remember the sharp disagreement and doesn’t remember saying the quote above I credit him with, and maybe he really doesn’t, and maybe that’s the work of the Spirit, but it is without a doubt in my mind the work of the Spirit that I do remember all that and won’t forget it, and shouldn’t forget it, any and all of it, you know, I should remember all of it because who knows when I’ll have the opportunity someday to pull somebody aside that is about to make the same mistake I made, and then I’ll be able look them in the eye and say, “Let me tell you a story….”
Great Story Michael! Thank you so much for sharing it with me. It is so comforting to know that you are now very close with those who were on the other side of the issue. It gives me hope.